We don’t use the word hate at our house. Never have. But now that my kids are grown, a few spicy words slip in now and again. It is literally the first time in my adult life that I am allowed to say a *sentence-enhancer* as Sponge-Bob calls them. When I got married, I was not only VERY young, but I was in the most sheltered home that existed without being Amish. We quite literally were not allowed to say the words poop or pee — rather stinky and tinkle (this still makes me laugh every single time so go ahead and roll your eyes along with me). Don’t get me wrong. I don’t appreciate a potty mouth. But if we’re all honest, now and then, there are opportunities to use words in a bit of a saltier application. Just recently, I have heard some sentence enhancers fly out of the mouths of folks I never would have expected. It endeared me. We are all humans, after all.
I have certain things I really do hate, though. Things that other people love and I have been making a list of them for years. So, the new trend to share our unpopular opinions gave me something to write about today as just a few of my 91 Little Things remain. Don’t hate me. Rather, tell me yours!! Let’s lighten things up and laugh a little. You know you have that one celebrity (or four) that most people like and you cannot stand! My sweet man cannot stand Amy Grant. He gets irrationally angry about her. I cannot stand Katy Perry. She is not allowed in my house or car. Who is yours?
But this is my official Hate List and the why of each:
- Standard Poodles — that is not a dog. The amount of ridiculousness and misplaced over-confidence that accompanies a well-groomed Standard Poodle makes me cringe so hard. For them. Seriously, someone should tell them they’re not a real canine. Just be you, Standard Floofy Thing.
- Willy Nelson’s braids. Can’t even. Now that I think about it, it’s probably all boys with braids. Can we not?
- Bike Pants — Most of the time folks riding bikes in bike pants are just very much in my way and acting like they have as many rights as my car does on the road. The pants just push the whole thing over the edge. Yes — I’m fully aware of the *why* for bike pants. They just make me irritated.
- (Oh gosh, you’re gonna hate me) Superhero, Bible, and alien movies. Gahhhhhhh. Make them staaaaahp. It’s been done. If we want to see them, we know where to find them.
- Buzz cuts on boys — in my experience, the naughty boys had buzz cuts.
- Men singing falsetto. Hit a few notes and show us your range. Then stop it.
- Ponies. Like the tiny little ones. Creeps me out more than I can say.
- Murals. They’re mostly bad. And they force me to see bad art. There are incredible ones, and I retract my hatred for those. But someone needs to be very honest about the rest of them.
- Pink Camo. I’m a woman and I love to hunt. Pink camo is just a statement about trying hard. Either we’re trying to prove something way too much, or we acknowledge that nothing in nature is pink that we can hide within. If you want to have a gun, hide in the woods and responsibly harvest meat; don’t have to prove anything.
- Cookies. With the exception of the guilty pleasure of Oreos and some of my own cookie recipes straight out of the oven, I probably won’t eat your cookies. And I’m genuinely sorry about that.
- Cats. When I was little, they adorned my Trapper Keeper and I had stickers of them and posters, too. Now, after having had real, live cats my ENTIRE life and after I just cleaned up the most ridiculous litter box and litter-strewn room that ever happened for my 17 year old Quasimodo cat which I do every day for her geriatric self, I have done enough research to scientifically state that cats are just jerks. They only take. And when they seem like they’re giving, they’re really just taking. If they didn’t have fur, we’d reject them and never allow them in our homes. Just try and prove me wrong. And please don’t add me to your hate list about it. I’ll pet them. I think they’re cute. And soft. But they’re jerks masquerading as sweet. Sorry, not sorry.
I’m now hanging my head. My proverbial word-pants have been pulled down. Please don’t leave me here alone. Join in the fun. And let’s all laugh and be light-hearted for today, hey?