The other day, my daughter said some words to me that mattered the most to my heart. Out of the blue, from the back seat of a car full of us, she said that she really enjoyed my sassy self lately. To paraphrase the rest, she said that she’s noticed that I stand up for myself, and have been confident in my choices, and that I say what I think more than ever as of late.
I do feel bolder, stronger, more capable and sure these days. As I approach my birthday in a couple days, I am very aware that as the age-scale tips a bit more in the other direction, perhaps the biggest and most impactful benefit is not only knowing some things about this world and people in it, but knowing who you are and finally settling into it — even embracing it.
We just had a woman stay with us who stepped into her purpose in a huge way when she was 57 as she became a missionary to Russia and then Bangladesh. Not knowing the language or culture, she just went and learned it as she did! That is so inspiring to me! Life is indeed, what we make of it!
I had a very vivid dream yesterday, and found it quite moving. In it, I was in the house I lived in in my teenage years and there was someone dear from my childhood as well as my dad. He played a song on his guitar for me to sing as we used to do. As I started to sing it, my voice was childish and small. The longer I sang, the bolder I got, and the more beautiful the song became. I surprised him and myself that I knew all the words and the longer and louder I sang, every part of my past disappeared. When I awakened from the dream, the song came back to me, and I wept as the words were beautiful and spoke to my relationship with my sweet man and the way he walked me out of that darkness.
It’s all a journey. These hard things that we’ve all been through, they’re just giving us our chops, our muscles, our story. Being broken gives us our wisdom of what is real and who we are and Who God is for us. It’s pretty important to acknowledge that and even be thankful for it.
Another thing: folks are either going to like you for who you are or they’re not. Some folks don’t know quite what to do with me, and I’ve learned that I can most definitely survive that! They’re going to have their opinions of me one way or two — I might as well just quit thinking about it! I wish I could have understood this sooner.
We brought some lovely ladies to the beach the other night for a bonfire and some precious time framed by a giant sky and the incredible feast of the senses that happens surrounded by God’s magnificent Superior creation. They left after dinner and I sat in my chair for a few moments looking at the unusually warm water, disappointed in my choice to not wear my swimsuit. But then I realized that I can do whatever I want! This Alison just doesn’t care about what anyone thinks when I wade out into the glorious water in my skirt and shirt and bra and lay in the water and heal my very soul. Can you see me? That’s inhibition-free, getting older and stronger, quite a bit sassier, living my truth me.
I like it here.
How about you? What have you found that you love about getting older and wiser? Maybe you are doing this much sooner than I have. I hope so for your sake. :o) Please share what you’ve learned. I’d love to know.